epsiode 26

The Third Date

Sorry for the delay but I have been ill, with a recurring cold on and off for a few weeks now and not only is it boring but it's making it hard to work. However, I owe you the story of the third date.
Picture the scene. We meet, and I still find him cute. And I'm sober. We go for drinks and conversation is easy. We go to dinner, again no awkward silences, we talk, we laugh and it's all good. After dinner we go to a club, we drink more and dance and have a very enjoyable, very long evening. I have no gripes and no disasters to report. I hope I'm not going to get smug, but now the fact is that normal dates seem to be coming back into fashion. Which is great for me, not sure how it is for the column but that's life.
I just want to say, what worries me is that I find it really difficult to relay a good date to you, even more so than a bad date. What is that about? He dressed well, he didn't try to grope me unnecessarily, he didn't say stupid things, or try to buy anything weird, his dancing wasn't even embarrassing. I would be lying if I said he made me go all fluttery, but he made me smile which is worth a lot. Anyway I am no longer under the curse. It's definitely broken.
I think part of me was so pleased to have had the long awaited successful third date that I didn't really think beyond it. Unfortunately that wasn't the case for those around me.
'So are you going out now?'
'What?'
'You know, like he's your boyfriend.'
'What? It's only been three dates.'
'If you get to a fourth he really will be your boyfriend.'
Why in this abyss of dating do I always feel that I take one step forward and a million back?

A lot of people have now informed me that the third date is tricky. If you get through it successfully and you go for a fourth date, then apparently you are in danger of being in relationship. I just love this new dating; it's like the world's longest hurdle course. I don't want to think in terms of a relationship right now. I just want to have a good time with good company and see how it goes before making a decision. Why on earth do we need to put everything in boxes?
It's not that I'm freaked out by the idea of dating someone for a while, I'd actually quite like it but I don't want to feel pressure by worrying that if I have a fourth date I'm doing this and goodness knows if I have a fifth date should I be expecting marriage? Who made up the stupid rules of new dating? What happened to two people liking each other and just seeing each other and not labeling it? I know my previous relationship isn't necessarily a good example given how it ended but that was how it happened with my ex. And for me, I don't want to think that a fourth date has to mean anything but a fourth date. Am I alone in this?
So, then I began to wonder if he thought like that. Did he think by asking me out again I would read more into it? Or did he think that if he did then he should be reading more into it? Well, it doesn't matter because despite me thinking we had a good time, (and I am not saying he would have been the love of my life, oh no I'm not deciding that until the tenth date at least), he didn't call me. Actually he didn't even text or email either. And although some people said that perhaps he was waiting for me to get in contact with him, I just thought well in that case he's not that into me and that was that.
So 'Good third date' is no more, it's been over a week and although I was too snotty to care about him too much, I do care about the new date rules. Because I don't know them and I certainly don't understand. And also I don't want to date this way, it's like dating by numbers or something.
Maybe when we all become single again, we should be given the new dating survival kit. A handbook, an orienteering map, a compass and a hard hat. Because otherwise how on earth are we meant to figure it out? If I was running this country, as well as banning Puffa jackets I would also employ laws with regards to dating. Can you imagine? Life would be so much easier if there were consequences to actions and you had to think a bit more carefully before just not picking up that phone. We could bring back the stocks for anyone who didn't follow the rules. Gosh, I am so into this idea. Although perhaps getting a tad off the subject. But before I leave completely, I quite like the idea of banning people from using clichés when they break up with you. There could be a penalty chart, for example if anyone says 'it's not you, it's me,' then that would result in lashes. Maybe instead of running the country I could head up the Department of Dating. Oh wow, I think I've found my calling.
Anyway, what I'm saying, I suppose, is that I think I realised how far away I am still from getting back to normal. In all this time I haven't had a relationship at all, and the most I can boast is three dates. I suppose I could get depressed by this, but I'm not going to. Because this is how I am going to look at it instead. After ten years with a guy I thought I would always be with I have come a long way. I no longer think about him when I'm dating. I don't wish I was with him still. I also know, because of him that I'm not going to go out with just anyone. I have nothing to prove, so when someone comes along and I like them and they like me it will work. I won't count the dates, or make a chart of my progress, it will just all fit into place the way that it should do. And it might not happen for ages, or it might be around the corner. Whichever, there was one thing that was true. I would have a fabulous time finding it. That was indisputable.